TOP 10 Songs I Never Need To Hear Again:

We all have this list in our heads, it’s true. I listen to music-all types of music-at least 12 hours a day. Jazz, R & B, Rock, Country, Way-Gay, House, Dance Music and Hip-Hop. It was bound to happen at some point then, that I would officially SNAP if and when any of the following songs hit the airwaves/radio/musak/passing car/gym sound system/dentist office boom box….
It’s nothing against these artists (well, most of them), it’s just that the songs have been beaten to death and should be retired. Like Regis Philbin.

So heeeereitgoes: THE TOP TEN CLASSIC SONGS (and one group)I NEVER NEED TO HEAR AGAIN

10. “Stairway To Heaven” Led Zepplin. Yea, yea…I know classic-blah, blah, blah–
get up there and close the friggin pearly gate already!

9. “Send In The Clowns” Judy Collins. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…sorry, I dozed off.

8. “Sweet Dreams” Eurythmics. Cool sound. Cooler visual. Annie rocks, but the
 synthetic bass line did not age well.

7. “The Time Of My Life”-Bill Medley and Jennifer Warren from the “Dirty Dancing” 
Soundtrack. I’d rather listen to a garden rake across a chalk board…in Hi Def.

6. ANYTHING by Nickelback. Shut UP, already?! One sound, one constant yell, one migrain.

5. “It Must Have Been Love” Roxette. I, I just can’t even start….

4. “Unspeakable Joy” Kim English. Circuit Party Anthem that could be heard 43 times 
in one party weekend…and it went on forever. “joy……joy…..joy…..joy……” she 
spoke it, she broke it.

3. “You’re The One That I Wah-oot” (that’s what I hear, sorry) Olivia Newton-John 
and John Travolta. Yes, I went to see the movie seven times with my girlfriend 
Jamie Nelson in 1978. Yes, I have played both Danny and Kenicki in stage productions.
  Yes, I have even been Sandy a time or two. I blame straight wedding DJs, drunk 
straight people, straight karaoke bars, straight TV producers that made a reality 
show out of a song. Straight. Straight. Straight.

2. “Hotel California” The Eagles. Cold sweat the minute Don Henley starts sqeaking.

DRUM ROLL……

1. “I Will Survive” Gloria Gaynor. Talk about riding a wave for 70 years. Even I am not gay enough to stand one more rendition. Let’s go people. Toss this war torn tune OUT! It has been the gay “go-to” song for 30 years!!!! Evolve already! No offense to Miss Gaynor, (we have worked together a couple times and she is quite lovely) but enough.

Honorable mentions include:

11. “Y.M.C.A.” Now that everyone is in on the joke, it’s no fun.

12. “Macarena”…need I explain?

13. “It’s Raining Men” I mean really.

Now then.  With this list, there is a whole bag of current tracks and artists that turn my brain to mush.

10.  Gwen Stephani.  I know she’s been out doing her fashion line for a couple years now which is great, but I still need more time off from her solo stuff and the harajuku girls come repetitiously oozing back into my 8-track player.

9.  ”OMG”-Usher.  It’s not break beat, it’s not rap, it’s not R & B.  The odd gathering of bass, random rhythms, annoying cheering backup “vocals” all seem like a bad clip art.

8.  ”Grenade”-Bruno Mars.  All of that self mutilation for someone that doesn’t want your punk ass?  Move on, Crazytown,  or I will personally deliver the blade, grenade, bullet to the brain and push you in front of a train (even let you pick which color).

7.  ”Hips Don’t Lie” and “Whenever, Wherever ” -Shakira.  Whatever.  I know she is supposed to be the latin, angry, edgy Alanis, but I just can’t get with her sound.  I want her to spit out all that caramel she has in her throat.

6.  ”Gives You Hell”-All American Rejects.  I’m IN hell, between them, Dave Matthews Band and Bruno Mars.  Speaking of…

5.  ”Crash Into Me” -Dave Matthews Band.  I totally miss his whole appeal.

4.  *Britney Spears.  It is MIND boggling to me that a lip-syncing, helium filled chipmunk can have such a successful touring career.  Fail.  However, visually and in studio, I think “Hold It Against Me” is her best piece of overproduced computer work to date.

3.  Taylor Swift (as a vocalist).  After 2 consecutive live appearances on awards shows in 2009 of flat-as-a-possum-on-a-country highway delivery, you’d think her people would have fixed it.  Instead, they let her make 5 more live appearances with the same dismal results.  She writes well and I think will grow into mature lyrics–but ow, ow, ow, ow either find the pitch or stick a fork in it, you are done.   (pitch fork…country singer…see, what I did was….)

2.  ”Umbrella”-Rihanna.  She reeeeeally needs to stop singing about her vah-jay-jay in every song.  This fella-ella-ella does not care what or who you are doing with it.  I think she also missed the memo on how dangerous Red Dye 40 is–hopefully, the carpet doesn’t match the drapes.  Time for a new M & M’s color fo’ yo’ weave, girlie-and different topics to sing around.

1.  ”Tik Tok”-Ke$ha.  $he’$ a train-wreck me$$, her video’$ are obviou$ly mi$$ing any financial backing and I’m gue$$ing $he $mell$ like old food and that bottle of Jack.  Kill me, plea$e.

Thanks!